Read this RED

I've always tried to stay strong, keep my hopes up and stay focused. However, after everything that happened. I'm thinking otherwise to give up already. Well, I've already thought of giving up many times before only to find myself incapable to do so.

But things are different this time...You already moved on...completely, so complete to the extent that you already found someone to take my place. maybe that's how things really happens...

Maybe it's not because you hate me or what...but because you are just trying to find someone with that sense of companionship, some thing that I don't have. this is probably why no matter what I do, nothing really changes anything, I may have your attention for an hour, but he has your attention for the rest of the day. He's the one who's always there for you, someone whom you're always with, someone whom you can share your problems with, and maybe someone you've always dreamed of.

I'm no longer surprised to know that you were already officially together...I've expected it as soon as I knew that he's courting you...Yes, it hurts...but what can I do? nothing right?
Well,  I told you from the very start that I will not interfere with your every decision...not only because I don't want to but also because I don't have the right to.

But Some things are still bothering me...so many things still remain unsettled...and as long as these things remain unsettled...nothing would really be over.

To start with, what I'm disappointed and probably mad about was not the fact that you are both officially together...but rather because of your actions toward me.
You gave me false hopes and made me think that it's not yet over...you made me believe lies like, ""Love parin nmn kita mike kahit papano eh", "Hindi pa kame", "I'll never forget you", "I don't want to lose you" and the worst of all. "hindi na muna ako magbo-boyfriend until college"...

I also don't know why you acted strangely Sweet to me during the time you were there in Taiwan...saying things like ":*", and again, "Love parin naman kita mike kahit papano eh" or probably thing's like

 etc.
Why did you even say these things? to keep my hopes up? give me false hopes again? or maybe just because you miss him so much that you even assumed I was him? You may have said that you're not a user...but that's what I felt...I felt like you just used me so that you won't feel his absence...

And in the first place...you've said these things to me though you were both already officially together hereby making me feel like a total idiot who tries to steal some guy's girlfriend.

And by the way....you also told me you won't forget me...You said things won't change, but what is this? I no longer feel your presence anymore...no efforts to talk to me or maybe just settle things out...

Why? was his return caused an amnesia to you? is it because you still get over our last conversation? or because you never should have talked to me in the first place? Tell me cause I need to know! cause so many questions still remain unsettled in my mind...questions that only YOU can answer.

I know that it's not really your intention to disappoint me and make me feel like these but guess what? I've interpreted things a lot different cause you never even tried to explain things to me and clarify them as well...Well, its too late for that, the damage has been done. again, there's nothing we can do but just to get over it and accept it...

You know I've always trusted you...but you disappoint me always too...You could have made things a lot easier if you just told me everything...you could even stay up late every night to talk about unimportant things but why can't you spend even just a single second telling me the truth?

Is it that difficult? did hiding the truth made things better? No right?

It would've been easier to accept things if it came directly from you rather than knowing it by myself or from others.

Yes, I would no longer deny that I am mad at you...but believe me, What I've always felt for you never changed...cause I wouldn't waste my time writing this post if I no longer love you...but I will no longer pursue you, you're with someone else already and it wouldn't be nice if I'll still talk to you that often. and maybe that's how things should really be. Maybe in that way, moving on would be easier for me...Someday, you'll read this post...and I hope that if that day comes...It's not yet too late.

We talked few hours earlier, tried to settle some things, tried to apologize, tried to know the reasons why...

She might think I'm over her...but She's Wrong...Nothing will ever change no matter what happens...I just can't help it, something in me still stops me from moving on...its not her fault, Its mine...its hard to stop now...Iv'e already been this far...there's no turning back now...maybe someday in the right time...in the right place, in the right situation...I will continue our short love story all over again...BUT...I'll make it last forever...

122011 AND BEYOND

So this story is about my third Girlfriend...I would like to Hide her in the name "Chuckie"...well if you know her Just keep quiet, well according to the title, more specifically the number 122011 obviously means December 20, 2011. Well, there are still many significant dates on my calendar but this one seems to be the greatest. What's so special about this day? well it’s probably one of the best days in my entire life...this is the first time when I and she became officially together...and during that moment when she said YES It was like Heaven went down to earth, or in other words I was so so happy! And the word Beyond means the things that happened thereafter.  So this is how it all goes down.

It all started way back then when we were still in second year, At first I t seems like it would just be another typical school year for me and everyone else. I wasn’t expecting for anything special to happen so I just enjoyed being in high school. But during those times I began noticing a silent, friendly, and pretty girl who was seated on the 3^rd row, and middle end of the second group. It was also back then when I realized that I already have some secret admiration for her but was somehow shortly forgotten when I had my second unintentional relationship but resumed again right after that... however I decided just to hide my feelings for her since somebody else is already linked to her and it seems like they were both happy with each other.

December came and things began to change. It was her 14^th Birthday and she personally invited me to her party. But guess what? I wasn’t able to attend for no good reason at all. The day after, her friends who also happened to be my friends  started calling me “bones” and  I asked myself, Why? Well, I already had some ideas however I wasn’t so sure so I tried to keep it instead. Days passed and God gave me the answer. She finally confessed that she have a secret Admiration for me. Well me, who was so happy at that time also confessed to her. then Christmas party came. There we had our first picture together, the night after. I finally proposed to her and. At exactly 9:57 p.m. She, without any hesitations finally said YES and we became officially together...well at first our relationship was going well we both love each other but I think that I loved her more because I even made a cellphone theme dedicated to her and even bought a bracelet to remind her of my feelings for her. Well our relationship lasted for 4 months but unfortunately. like all early relationships, It ended up badly.

Both of us still continued our lives. Well, we still had constant communication with each other, and that’s probably why my feelings for her still remained the same. However she already transferred to another school, so our only means of communication with each other was by text although sometimes we happen to see each other when we go out and have some kind of reunion with our friends but it wasn’t that useful for we don’t usually talk to each other in person.

It was more than a year after when I tried to ask her again for another chance, A chance that she gave me and soon became my greatest regret. I courted her for more than a month and on the 25^th of June, we were again officially together. Our relationship went very well in the start until I began to feel that she is no longer in love with me so I tried to find out if she still loves me by trying not to text her for 1 week. If she will text me then that means she still loves me but if she doesn’t, it means she no longer does. Days passed but I haven’t received any messages from her. I then started to text her but she no longer replies to any of my messages, I already had a bad feeling so I tried to ask for help to my friends. And finally on a Monday she already texted me and said she have to say something and I asked what it is. Then she apologized and said sorry. Again, I replied and ask her why and then she replied and told me that she wants to break up with me because she no longer feels that she has a boyfriend and told me that she no longer loves me. I tried to ask her if maybe she can still change her mind but she already decided and I have to accept it no matter how painful it would be. Days passed and I was left puzzled by the things that have happened recently and still doubted her reason. But thanks to a friend, I soon found out that she only answered me because she was at a good mood at that time when I asked her. Well of course I was devastated and was definitely hurt.

I knew it from the start that these things would happen but I didn’t expect it to happen so soon, I also already had ideas on why she no longer texts me before but I set it aside because I trusted her.  It hurts to realize that I have waited for about two years waiting for these another chance and she just wasted it and didn’t value it as much as I did. It still hurts until now that she was never happy and even regretted answering me. It’s hard to realize that she already was able to forget everything that had happened and is already happy while I’m still slowly dying here emotionally. But even though, I don’t have the right to deprive her of her freedom so I would just leave her alone and set her free…And maybe I just have to go on and maybe try again someday and because I’ve come this far there is no longer any reasons to give up now and Yes, no matter how many times I might be hurt, I will still continue to love her and be somebody who will always be with her no matter what happens hoping that maybe someday she will still give me another chance and maybe finally we will already be happy together.

About me...yes ME!

Well I'am by the name Michael Van T. Viray, born on the 25th of August 1998, a son of my parents(of course) well it doesn't really matter, I am (still)a high school student, and looking forward in life, I have been in 3 relationships already but still hopeful like everyone else to find the right person for me...I have been through many obstacles in life already...but lucky enough to succeed in most, haha! well btw Thank you very much for visiting my blog, this is all for now check out my next blog next week maybe haha...Have a nice day!